"..look for the girl with the broken smile, ask her if she'd wanna stay a while...and she will be loved..." Maroon 5

so sweet. a sincere individual reaches out a hand, not realizing the greater good of the deed. small gestures that make a world of difference. corny as it sounds, the small things do really count. even if in reality that smile meant to do no more than just express personal content, the mirror image it commands can mean so much more for another. for the most part, 'tis a wonderful feeling. it's almost like being showered with petals of sunshine, rainbow rays, chocolate drizzles,love packaged in this, the age of consumerism (as we think we know it/know how to appreciate it).

LOVE IS MANY A SPLENDID THING

as much as i want to ramble on about the AWESOME snow weekend i had, i need to share my current favourite song with everyone first! it's John Butler Trio's "What You Want"...and it's on my repeat (over and over again) playlist...yep, it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy, and i can finally put my interpol cd to rest momentarily. *sigh of content*

so last week was quite a fun-filled and exciting one for lil ol' mundane me! first of, we had puff come down under to shower (& amuse) us (strangers and friends alike) with her unique sense of humour and astounding inability to multi-task. :O) her staying with me was almost like a replay of the crazy fun moments i had earlier this year with steph when she also came over for a short stint in melb. (all crazy kooky people welcomed!) :O) LURVE ALL OF YOU! anyways, besides working, being forced to make time for a certain visitor, and having many a sleepless hour (haven't the foggiest idea why), i also FINALLY made a trip to CHADSTONE (thanks juice!!)...juice got a kewl-ass rocker chiq haircut whilst puff and i got more things to wear. (yes me...and of course, a cutesy pair of culots, too-tight jeans, loads of stockings, and underwear DID add up to MORE than my usual $5 budget!! YIKES!!!) :O) also went for regine's college's play (Peeping Tom)on thursday. 'twas pretty damn hilarious!! goode stuff regimite (parallel lives indeed!). after that, i collected puff (had a coffee with her college gang at l'incontro), headed home to pack, then rolled out to melb central at 1.30 am to meet up with the other 46 people who were going to Falls Creek too. this time puff and i decided to exchange our skis for SNOWBOARDS!!! pretty kewl stuff!

"sometimes a man gets carried away"...jeff buckley.

i'm sitting in joyce's room listening to soulful tunes as i update my blog,play with puff and pebbles (thank goodness the former is wearing a jacket...it'd be difficult to tell 'em apart otherwise!), and contemplate the events of the week thus far. nice. THANKS JUICE!! :O) 165499846513 yes, puff's being an idiot. 615898. thank you puff. ahem.

the way i see it, i can either sit around and lament about my helplessness (job-wise,socially, and then some), analyze & contemplate (blah blah blah) life & its lil chapters (issues,series,volumes)(i suck, no i dont,perhaps, i need to change, i need to...i need...i...)2951841878 (shup puff) OR i could just get off my phat ass and gET OUT! so exciting. so i went out purchased a ticket to 16 classes of beginner's french, took my bike out for more than just an airing, and went river kayaking at Warandyte State Park (Yarra Valley) on the spur of the moment (well, ok..i had a day's notice). 'twas really awesome stuff. overturned just as i hit the first (BASIC) rapids, took awhile to eject myself from the kayak (underwater), whizzed downstream with boat and oar in hand then hit another tree (where another kayak-less kayaker was clinging on to), promptly let go of my boat (by accident..obeyed a command that wasnt intended for yours truly) and was rushed downstream some more (in a "white water position"..yes, i felt quite the pro) and then i swam (uhm...doggy paddled) to the side where my fellow kayakers were waiting. 4 out of the 9 of us capsized in that first amateur rapids..so we had to call off the rest of the journey downstream and decided to drag our kayaks round the hill to flat water and paddle UPSTREAM to our starting place. OHMYGOODNESS...soooooo need to build up stamina before skiing...no really, 4 days makes a lot of difference. erm, ok so i have only 2 days left. today's the day i start my intensive excercise regime. seriousness. :O) heh.

i currently am seeking solace in the soulful (pseudo noisy) tunes of the Phantom Planet in my lil ol room (can u tell i watched the OC last nite...), whilst persistently looking up tabs and lyrics from the wonderous music legacy left behind by The Carpenters online. yes, i am baring my heart and soul...(ear)splattering it on the slightly-thicker-than-cardboard walls. ahhh..the liberation of being home alone. :O) well, at least for another hour or so. then i shall have to practice self restraint (or go to sleep, whichever comes first), as colin (reg's bro) and his gf (tiffany) shall be assuming role of temporary housemates (or intruders, if u like...u big brother-esque voyeurs/fans...ew). yep, the apartment has become lodging station for a few travellers this week. we had joey (kim's friend) for the first half of the week, and now we've got colin & tiffany. how exciting. of course, this would be the week when i've had the most inclination to belt out songs and dance around the house in months(looking like in a state of mental disarray...more so anyways)! even at work, some of the new ppl have picked up on the fact that i talk to myself (or seem to) and that i have a tendency to slur and gabble in gibberish. (in my defense, the last two things happen occassionally to EVERYBODY...u know, those days where every word comes out missing a few vowels or sentences are incomplete...a tired tongue syndrome maybe? so there. hmph).

who knew? 8 months on and i'm still at the cafe, still serving behind the counter, still complaining about being at the cafe, still being misunderstood by customers, still being harassed by myer ppl, still planning to work on my cv. did i mention at any point, that this is my pseudo "YEAR OUT"?
(excuses excuses) (shup).

thanks juice! love is all around! :O) so sweet. today, i went to work (as per usual), went to jb hi fi (as per usual..it's the only other shop,besides safeway, that's open after 6pm..) and totally got into the new Dallas Crane cd (yes, that's how long i was in there for). right now, i'm chilling out to tunes from Ruby's Grace. and counting down the hours till i have to actually "wake up" for work. same ol' cycle. except, it's my 11hour-friday-shift that i'll be waking up to. woohoo! am planning to take in the Dandy Warhol's and maybe Turin Brakes ...at least the music will ease the pain (of my achy feet), i am hoping! :O) oooh, or maybe even Marvin Gaye! yumm.." oh the world's situation should be rated x, rated x" . such wise words.

i met up with my cousin after all the jb-ing and flaffing around the city (my excercise regime). had a bubble tea *my first this year!!*, half-smiled at a certain SOMMMEbo(aa)dy [it's still making me chuckle..if only u knew, moo & stucky, if only u knew...;Op], and then bumped into milton! twas really funny, i forgot his name the instant i said hi. then remembered it RIGHT after i left. :O) my instances of memory failure is becoming far too frequent. i need a lapse in forgetfulness. i swear. names are the most difficult to retain at the moment. not too goode when one is in the service industry. howlah to make impressive impressions and contactable contacts? HOW? aiyooyooh.

this is buggin me...how come no one leaves "drops in" and "plonks" me? or plays tag? well..hardly anyone does...sniff sniff. :O) OH and i found a reason to go up to sydney..to look for work! aha! :O) heh.

dammit. i just found out that the <Ruby's Grace album launch in melbourne is on the 20th of august..the first day of the ski weekend trip. UGH! and it's at the evelyn on top of that (great location, transport-wise..). ugh ugh ugh.

let's see...i've been rendered internetless for the past week or so, and i've accustomed myself to the tiring activity of assuming a vegetable-like position in front of the tele (after work). and now i'm sick of it. i seem to tire of things very easily nowadays. as much as i'd like to think i' m aging at an accelerated pace (white hair, definitive signs of stress), this process seems to have only touched surface thus far (erm, thank goodness!..i think). my think tank is comparable to that of a child's. right, so we're back to the stimulation (or rather, lack of) issue. OH, FOR EXCITEMENT!

"RMIT REVISITED!"...thAt's my work in progress title for the next instalment of my oh-so-exciting life story. hello boys and girls. girls and boys. shims. i am tap tapping away in the B108 postgrad lab..and let me tell you, this place does not do a thing for my academically inclined self. if i had no other choice, i think i would rather rot in the cafe than actually continue my studies in this smelly joint. before you think what i think you may be thinking..NO, this sense of dread and remorse only really applies to this particular area. the city campus is a whole different matter, in my opinion. (biased? me? shup!). yes. another new week has commenced. yaay. and i'm getting better at remembering ppl's coffees. hmmm. anyone hiring?

BABY..now that i've found you i can't let you go...
:O)
i was just thinking about it..last week was actually pretty interesting. first of all, my wonderful dingdong brother turned 30
on the 30th of june! HAPPY BIRTHDAY ko! and then, i was contacted (outta the blue) by a few COLLEGE friends (all unrelated)! i've just met up with two so far. met up with jackie for dinner and coffee first. he was my 'World Issues' classmate in CIMP. heh. then, two days later, i had dinner with syamala (i've know her since kindergarten, in fact) and three of her friends @ chilli cafe. interesting people. also met up with joyce and got my hair cut and coloured and everything. :O) now i'm one step away from a mullet, the 80's, and a social life (ok, fine..that last one is still a hope). i also spent some time reflecting (and reminiscing) on the events of the past year. sigh. I LURVE yALL *yes you..thank you for making most of my 365 days happy ones!!*

also, CONGRATULATIONS!
stacey and maliq (hmmmm);O) on the commencement of your careers!!! and all the best of luck! :O)

amazing...another week has just flown by AGAIN! to think that 7 days ago i was recovering from my excitement of attending a gig the night before..and a goode one at that! VROOOOM..and it's now 1 working day to a BRAND NEW (working) week! woohoo! no actually it's scary. i want to reach out and grab time and hold it really really tight, to hold it still, to give me space to sort out myself and prepare for the next phase: job(like for real?), life (cant speak english for nuts..am prepared to find other avenues of expression..parlez vous francais?), MOVING ON. moving on. moooving. on. onwards. up up and away. the need to disengage myself from my current zone of comfort is becoming alarmingly apparent. sure-fire signs: increasingly bitchy and irritable, appearance thwarted with blemishes, health deterioration...the list is damn long. it's not like i can't deal with stress..in fact, i think i absolutely thrive on it. (good) stress+passion=well, better produce. wat's wrong with my current job? i just dont feel passionate about it. in fact, it subdues most of the (goode) effects of my chocolate consumption. and it makes all the bad ones even more prominent (zits zits zits). the environment and system of the cafe ensures that stress levels are obscenely high, no doubt. but it's the sort that doesnt effect the personal output in a very positive manner. the no-brainer job encourages sedation of the brain. an arts student with a thirst for knowledge? erm, well...stimulation really. stir me up. tip me over. pour me out. i'm bubbling with water..awaiting for the right kind of tea leaves.

total hours clocked in at work this weekend (fri-sun): 25.5hrs. woohoo! achybreakyfeet.

friday was unbelievably tiring...like physically. yes, i know. i'm a weakling. after 11.5 hours of standing, (with only a 30min break for the entire duration), i found i had wobbly legs (more than usual), an achy back, and a blurry eyes...[ well-toned leg muscles? loads of stamina?hello?] :O) from 4 o'clock, we began our 5 hour countdown. by 5pm, i was left with only one other person behind the counter, one on the floor, and a steady stream of customers for company. oh and truckload of jam, cream,milk,and tomato containers to fill, and LOADS of food to clear. am i complaining? no, just documenting. :O) it wasnt a mundane night anyhow. good stuff. dustan was really excited about his impending holiday ("only 2 sleeps!! yaay!"), and excitement is contagious. so, even for our state of fatigue (he was on for 12hrs), we were deliriously happy. delirium reigned. friday was also exciting for all @ apollo cos Ruby's Grace was having a gig at the cornish arms. on thursday we (well, all five of us that are dinosaurs,at least) were all set to go support 'em. on friday, our individual decisions fluctuated every couple of hours...at 8pm, i was all set to go home and veg out. at 9.30, i felt really really compelled to not let work get the better of me and of my word. so i hyped myself up enough to feel energized enough to wobble home, prettify myself (yeah rite..like it really makes a diffference), wait for a certain someone to stand me up, and merrily cab it out to the gig in time for the 2nd set. :O) i have to say...it was SO WORTH IT! they really are a goode live band. friendship aside, these guys know how to work a crowd. you feel their energy and love for the music. awesome stuff. seriousness.

Exciting Stuff.....
wednesday: 9am appointment with the dentist! then, retro shopping with my cousin.
thursday: work 10-6.30. dinner with workmates,p'haps.
friday: work 10-9.15. ruby's grace gig @ the cornish arms, 10pm.
saturday: work 11-6.15.
sunday: uncertainty looms (work?)
:O)

so work was ok today. wait...who am i kidding. hehe. it was one of those days where things didnt run as per normal...like we had our usual 10am rush, then we actually had a few quiet moments!! and then, of course, the boss comes in with his temporary 'solution' to the order and queuing mess that is the cafe system...and actually ends up making it a more arduous task to take orders and get dockets to the register, coffee machine, and toaster. oh and then he comes up to me and tells me how to basically "force" (My word, to be fair) the customer to have his/her sandwich toasted (ie.old sandwich). but that's the thing (i felt like telling him)...i dont REALLY want to sell 'em poor buggers ol' sandwiches for the price of a fresh one!! sighes. and it's like he seems to pick on me...previous incidents.. anyways, for some reason today i could feel that strain of annoyance tainting my usual vibe. probably the catalyst in my decision to go up to my manager and throw the, "sooooo...does michael (my boss) not like me or something?" question. in retrospect, that may not have been such a wise choice-of-action (well..duh...seeing as it was a rash one!). it was funny, my manager tried to apease me with the notion that EVERYBODY gets crap from the boss..and that he IS a DAMn critical dingbat....keyword here is EVERYBODY. did i mention everybody? well, that totally explains why he gets along pally wally with the other old staff and i get the "cheryl, where is this and that and why isnt this done and that done" rubbish..and i'm NOT even in a managerial/supervisor position!! I"M CASUAL STAFFF (dammit!). :O) i still have to smile...the politics of a cafe..ohmygoodness! imagine what it's like 'ouT there'!
oh, and did i mention that i was also, weirdly enough, suffering from an acute case of the giggles..ohmygoodness, it was SOOOOOOOOOoOOo bad..to the extent where i had to excuse myself in the middle of serving a customer because i was doubled up in laughter..at a very random moment. it all began with me asking a customer if she wanted a "bug" with her order. yes, i kid you not. this really beats the "wouuld you like that toasted" inquiry regarding a coffee. the simple explanation is that i was really asking her if she wanted a BAG for her order, but it came out VERY bahasa baku. see? i'm bilingual. :O) ahem. shy.

and then, my boss decides that he wants to pick my brains. oh ok. sort of. we have a sit down to discuss the efficiency issues...and by that time i'm feeling so blech that i actually lose all the fumble and over-excitement that plagues my person, and take my serious side for an airing. yep, even (in my opinion..heh) constructively criticized his "new" temp solution for the docketing system. i morphed into my planner, brainstormer alter ego...then i steppped back behind the counter and shrivelled up back into my semi-bimbo counter girl persona. ...HI THERE!! can i help you?? bounce bounce....

check it 1,2...aa aa yeh yeh.

after all that, i still feel damn crap. it's like an embarassment. no, that's not the word. it's like i feel like...a hypocrite. oh and a loser, maybe. i mean, isnt it just a tad bit sad that i had NO ONE to drag along with me tonight? isnt it?? and i feel like the kid's not going to believe me anymore. oh no!! this is really buggin me.
it's 2am. and i still havent done my homework for work. i;ve got to list down the problems that we are experiencing as counter staff, in relation to customers and service. now, how do i tell the boss that the root of the problem lies in the SYSTEM itself? and this can only really be rectified by changing the layout of the cafe counter itself. there is no space, the system within which we operate does not allow for quick and efficient service during rushes and BUSY BUSY BUSY lunch, the registers are slow, insufficient manpower. how? and how does one suggest solutions when one can't really think? and how am i expecting to enter the workforce proper and do "brainstorming" and be a planner when i cant even find be resourceful in a small project like this? 2.15 am..and still thinking.....6hours to go.

i suck i really do.
and let me tell you, it's annoying knowing that you've just (possibly) let someone down...regardless of the fact that your actions may, in reality, have not had the slightest impact whatsoever on the afore said person. nevertheless, if it's the thought that counts (in most cases), then yes, indeed, i do suck. [btw, the "suck" I'M referring is NOT in least bit connected to any sort of physical action...such dirty buggers]. :O) yes, i did say i would "try" to go for the gig. but isnt it common knowledge that these sort of random statements do have a lil asterisk on the top..for "subject to change" at the bottom of the agreements page (in a conversation). isnt it????? no???
i feel bad. BUT (come come, let me redeem myself)!...I AM DEFINITELY going to support the band on FRIDAY for the bigass gig!! (erm, so there). this i PROMISE. regardless of the fact that i'll be on my feet for all 11 hours before the peformance... :O) no, i'm not whinge-ing. really. and YES, i really do like the mooosic!! they're an awesome live band. the album's great for easy listening. hmmmm...an investment, p'haps...
wait wait. let's get back to the point. so i didnt go tonite for the solo gig. and tmr i shall have to face the music..(heh)...this is the 2nd time i've done a no-show. dammit. but today, i didnt really feel like braving the cold and big bad world that is sydney road (yes, the area where bismi, the cornish arms, savers (and probably a few bits and pieces of that gunned down gangland leader) reside). ok. so that's 3 goode things and one DAMN dodgy. still... and let's not forget that i'd have had to board a tram on elizabeth st...now we all remember that "will you give me your urine pls" crazy loooney i bumped into last year...ahem [*shudddeerrrrrr]. put 'em together and hey! you've got plenty of reason to cosy up on the couch and watch the fab 5 sprinkle their special brand of fairy dust on the latest to join the 'gay or attached' list. :O)

WOOHOO! :O) so much to say, so lil time (sleep abeckons), so many limitations (frozen fingers,toes..the list seems endless). stuckey..i took a photo in your honour some time ago whe i was traipsing around sydney rd..now i've just got to figure out how to web-ivate it.

every time i sit myself down to write...i always have the same problem: i dont quite know where to start and what topic to harp on. (me? opinionated? hmmmm) so, i've decided to make a list of things that i would like to talk about or that have crossed my mind today, in an effort to boost my rather fledgling ability to document..or focus, for that matter. right. here we go.
TUESDAY: *struggled to dislodge myself from the warm comfort of my bed..cold morning **am planing to invest in a bicycle by the end of the week..secondhand or not! *got asked by a customer if i was sick *chatted with my manager about travelling & asia (do i get brownie points?) *cleaned the damn dusty fridge-tops at work..the dust was soooo thick, it looked like several rats had decided to shed their hair on top of the fridge..ew *OH THIS ONE IS AWESOME: when i got to work this morning, my manager announced that it was staff discount day at myer today...20% off! altho i dont have a staff card, apparently i only needed to flash my badge. here's the best part..couldn't think of ANYTHING that i really wanted to buy. HOW SAD IS THAT!! on this, the day i actually get to excercise my right as a sub-myer employee! ah well. such is. :O) *am thinking of goin to watch The Who!! :O) rock on.

GOOD MORNING SUNSHINE!! yep..i'm back in blooody cold melbourne..just the way i like it! sydney was incredibly relaxing. exactly what i needed..i got to spend quality time getting reacquainted with some of my all-time favourite pastimes, such as reading and playing the piano~!! who knew that after all these years, i would WANT to list these things amongst my hobbies. really shows how much those schooling years really affect one's life. wait wait...knitting has already made a comeback. now just awaiting the painting muse. maybe, just maybe, cross stitch, although that may be stretching it a little. anyways, back to the trip. i have to say that the 12 hour bus ride was actually pretty interesting and somewhat (dare i say it) NICE. ok, so maybe the novelty of travelling with a whole bus-full of backpackers did make it that bit more exciting. [and no, it wasnt filled to the brim with german travellers...just two. so there :Op] the bus left the terminal a bit after 8pm,and i promptly made friends with the girl beside me. she was from the uk, but of chinese descent. funnnily enough, the girl sitting in front of me was scottish, but also of chinese (or something similar) descent. pretty klew. gemma was pretty fun...and in that 12 hours, our conversation snowballed from work to travels to MUSIC!yep, i met a bluegrass fan with an appreciation for music in general (regardless of genre). so,we exchanged notes on artistes and cds (yes, i brought mine along!!) for quite a few hours. kekekeke. there were two stops throughout the journey...one every 4 hours. the first was in albury/wodonga, whilst the second was in gouldburn. ended up having a hot choc at 4 am. [wat sleep?] reached sydney, had b'fast with gemma, parted ways, got picked up by my uncle in the city (town hall), went to a cafe & book shop near the college of fine arts (UNSW)...a fave hangout of my uncle's, and then headed to his place (abt 45 mins away from the city...northwest of sydney). had a shower, a bit of a snooze, lunch, then headed out to the city for a bit of a memory refresher and then on to UNSW to pick up my cousin (who's reading law). ahem. oh, here's the interesting part. whilst waiting for my cousin to finish class, my uncle (who purchased an art history book along the way) & i sat ourselves down on a bit of lawn in UNSW grounds, and he read aloud to me, stopping every now and again so we could have little discussions about the readings.ahem. must've looked pretty karate kid-ish (yes, my uncle does somewhat resemble mr miyagi]. throughout the course of the weekend, i got to learn and see some of my uncle's paintings and views on art. also got to look at some of his sketches (amazing!). ALSO, my cousin managed to coax some of my hibernating interest in movie-watching back into action (watched extended versions of LOTR1 & 2, Pirates of the Carribean, and a bit of The Quiet American). AND we had quiet moments where i read (YES SOME STIMULATION!!!), instead of making an aimless trek out to a densely populated shopping area. it's all these small li'l activities that actually made the weekend fascinating for me. i can't really describe (especially with this horrible diminishing vocabulary and writing structure syndrome [DVWSS] i seem to be suffering from) how much i actually enjoyed myself, but in a passive way, as opposed to it being a feeling i was conscious of during the weekend. i predict i'm going to be reading this in a few days time with one eyebrow raised, and possibly a scrunched up face expressing nothing more than "WADDA". hey, it's 2am. 'nuff said. :O)