ah ah yeh yeh

balik kampung....

a) my passport needed to be rescanned in the special office at the oz airport. i was LEAVING the country?! i took my place next to an indian and a chinese. looks-wise, we would have made tourism m'sia proud.
b) i started to choke up when they played a video about 20 mins before landing, highlighting the beauty and progress that only a country so immersed in its overflowing "melting pot" would be able to advertise..do they even know the implications of the melting pot syndrome? never mind. i felt teary anyways. for that split second. and then, i watched the rest of the video through a squint, as only a cynic at her best would. and THEN, i wanted to laugh. because no self respecting country would end a "you've made the ultimate choice in holidaying in m;sia" video without so much as a salam to heart gesture from the the ultimate word on travel and tours, the tourism minister himself. who is no other than the father of a certain bespectacled young man with whom i had add maths tuition with, in upper secondary school. heh.
c) when i was about to leap out into the polluted kl atmosphere (i swear there's a distinct smell), i was wished a "selamat hari raya" in a very natan manner by a stewardess. and she had to repeat herself, cos it didn't register the first time. and as it sunk in, my history and reality of being a malaysian IN malaysia thwacked me on the head...DUH! mat mena. here we go. rock.
d) i rolled my bag out into the mass of people in the arrivals waiting area (most of whom turned out to be very hyper taxi drivers...it was 6.45am!!) and amidst the confusion weaving a 28kg bag through human road blocks, i smiled whilst declining a taxi offer...the doode looks at his friend next to him, "eh...lawa". the friend replies,"yalah, kan gadis malaysia".
OHMYGOODNESS.

i have resolved to practice my bo-chap look. :O) super plank!
in general, its amazing how just by virtue of my looks and gender, i fall into a certain category where even reciprocating a smile (with one of the opposite sex) can bear consequences of quite a traumatising degree.
my memory has been triggered. i'm plugged in. en garde!

handy

yes, for real. those are painted nails. in fushcia, no less. the result of a bims & tit 'we-need-retail-therapy-friday' after work outing.

and that's what it looks like when you plop on an accessory :O) hello!

sunshine through my window!

i sit me down in my little chair
fully intending to get "things" done
but the exciting wafts of summery air
is making it even less than fun

i want to go out and play
allll summmmerrrry dayyy
but everything must be done in moderation
because equilibrium is key
so i'll have to use it as motivation
set in motion the inspiration in me
to get back into action
all the factions
that went a-miss
when i chose to finish
early.

but but but...there is some excitement looming: a quick nip abroad- to think to sort to take a bigass leap and bound onto fertile ground. time to refuel my head...starving of new information.making a mockery the old. has anyone noticed? i certainly have. :O) FEED ME FEED ME.

stapey, if u can't extend long enough...can we meet in sg or kl when you go back? can? can can can? can! ok. set. :O)

lock,stock, and...

the two smoking barrels :O)

in the angsty instance..

consistently so. waves of anger, anguish, and sheer frustration wash over me with about the same frequency as i wash my face (and that's pretty damn regularly..it being a pimple farm and all), everyday. well, everyday save the weekends. :O) it's my favourite!
maybe i'm not toning properly. or locking in all the happy moisturising components with the same vigorous enthusiasm that i do my face-washing. hmmmm.
an ode:
brunch, lunch, tunch. it's all goode. with great, fun-loving companions. heh. the company i keep, the help a heap. they make me laugh, when thing's are tough. but they also present challenges which promote adequate balances in providing support and fuelling of the thought process. you guys eees theee bes.

oh,my mind's everywhere. a heap of things to do. it's difficult to set up boundaries where work is concerned...how much should i involve myself, based on the premise that i am about to set myself adrift tres soon? i mean, i have my starting points, but they're all interconnected with other aspects of this...erm...'project'. and then, of course, there's the bit where i don't feel particularly enthralled at the prospect of having to meet up with the owner of this...erm...'project'...to piece together the missing bits of my dog-eared page, in the bigger picture book. funny that, considering one of my major bugs that finally nibbled its way into my clean pages was about the owner not giving me enough time-of-day to push forward with decisions and the..erm..'project'.

and then, of course, there's the personal.

has the last 2 months of this 5 month long endeavour been a massive reflection of a developing short attention span, on my part? am i a runner, when things don't go my way? do i have issues working under someone of authority? erm no, to that last one. definitely. another lil bug carried with it the discomfort of having no clear boundaries where friendship and employer-employeee/professional relationships were concerned. "i like you as a friend, no doubt. but at the end of the day, you are my boss. and i work for you. i need that sort of clearly defined line, when it's about work".

chewel grows up.

constipated at large

boo. boo who. boo hoo hoo.

yes, that was me. all this 3rd quarter. "time's are a-changing", sang bob dylan. but that's just 'cos it presses on, arbitrarily. yet another man constructed constriction. but when you think it through (poetic sense aside), time repeats itself...it rushes all the way round to come back to its beginning point. "a lil bit of history repeating", said a wise shirley bassey. an endless cycle. nono. it does end. but then it revives itself and makes the trip again. and again. and ...u get the clock. tick tock tick tock.

i digress. perhaps. just a little.

lots lots lots has happened, happening, about to happen. i've got the eye-jerker act almost down to a pat, and soon i'll be invading your tv. hah. the life of the starving artiste. feeding off the mysterious (delusional or otherwise), and miserable misery.

oh to grow wiser and kinder and stronger after this feat.

i'm rambling. but so not a rose. my eyes are fatigue-ridden. my body's been food-abused. the sun's hidden. and it's sleeep i will choose...over elaborate nonsense. today. tonight. alright.

quote of the month: ...you are creatively constipated. that's just what it is".

good golly gumdrops. i simply have to agree.